Today was the first time in a L O N G time I left my baby to go to work.
She will be three in a couple weeks, and we are virtually inseparable.
My life is in the throughs of a big transition, since my husband began a new job that enables him to work %50 of the time at home.
I have enjoyed these blissful 3 years being a stay at home mother of four, and pouring my attention into content creation with books, videos, pictures, housekeeping, and mothering.
Leaving my home, content creation and baby for three and a half hours of subbing today felt like giving up the ship.
Upon coming home the baby smothered me with devotion and disappointment that I had left, my household chores filled almost the rest of my day, and I have yet to check e-mails.
I battled the feeling of being swamped by praising God for his grace and provision and leading, thanking Him that His yolk is easy and His burden light.
Being sent to work, was not the way I preferred to serve the Lord, I like being home. I keep myself breathlessly busy between snuggle times with my baby and I love it. My work at home FEELS engaging and significant.
Working as a substitute teacher, I'm not creating any plans, content, or schedules, I'm not relating with people I will be able to form a lasting relationship with. I'm like an actor simply reading the script given me so the show can go on.
God had been telling me this day was coming- the day I'd leave my baby and go back to work- but I was hoping against hope, that wasn't His voice.
The fact of the matter remains- He is my God. He is the one directing my steps and choosing where I go and when. He is in authority over my life and my life is not my own, but it has been bought with the precious blood of his son so that I wouldn't have to live a sinful selfish life.
I BELIEVE that regardless of my occupation and setting- He is guiding my every move for His glory and honor and my good. I REALLY believe He loves me with a love deeper and more intense than I understand.
So today, I felt He showed me a little example of how my attitude looked in His sight through my baby's demonstration.
Juliana's great passion is to help me in the kitchen. She has been asking for weeks to bake a pie with me.
So TODAY, before going in to substitute teach a Kindergarten class. I invited her to help me bake a pie.
She was FULL of enthusiasm, but as soon as I began offering ways she could help me she lost interest.- All she wanted to do was pour and stir things, taking out pots and pans and items for measure was NOT her idea of helping.
I felt that her example must be just how I was treating God- I liked serving him one way, the way I felt was most intriguing, and as He lead me in the path of His calling on my life, I resisted, feeling this part of the path was not my idea of fun.
Lord, please grant me the grace to adjust to this part of my calling in You. May I embrace it with all my heart and find joy in every moment, knowing You are loving me through it. In Jesus name, Amen.